Game
Another note: For consistency purposes, I'm only going to link whatever it is that I link in my entries the first time that I link it, and I'm only going to link anime that can be found in the Anime Academy Library. Entries themselves will also be considerably shorter; I'm not going to load them up with a bunch of angsty filler, needless reflection, and repetitive introspection. Also, I'm going to try to update a few times every week so I force myself to write on a consistent basis.
And as of this writing, my computer has overheated twice, so I've lost two versions of this entry already. Believe me, I don't like having to rewrite this, but the third time just might be a charm.
Written September 26th, 2004
As I stood with my back against the wall while watching a beer pong game, Carolyn stopped shooting to look over at me and ask if we'd been in the same class before. Having thought that I'd known the answer for a long time, I quickly responded that we'd had the same freshman year Creative Writing class. However, she dismissed that as a possibility because she said that she'd never had a freshman year writing class. As I went back to quietly standing beside the beside the table, I couldn't come up with any answers. Stumped, I went up to my room to check on Pitt's Account Management to see what other classes I'd taken in the past. Unfortunately, the site was down for the evening, and I sat in my chair, thinking hard, until I found the answer.
Coming back downstairs, I went back to standing by the beer pong table. Then I told Carolyn that we'd been in the same Public Speaking class (the same one that I spoke about in A Monster Called Jealousy), and with the combination of alcohol and playing a losing game of beer pong against Steve and Koop, I suddenly had her full attention; it was like the answer was equivalent to hearing her dream guy tell her "I love you" (that's a stretch, but bear with me). For a good 90 seconds, her attention was focused on recalling memories of that dreadful class and our classmates. There wasn't much to say; she remembered that I had sat in the front row on the far left for the entire semester (seeing as how I stutter and it was a class focused on speaking, it isn't difficult to imagine how she remembered such a minute detail such as that; everytime I made a speech, I stumbled along like I always do, and that's probably what made her remember me) and that our class was filled with jocks (she knew because she's a sports medicine major). She then mentioned that one of the baseball players was really cute, and my mildly-inebriated, knee-jerk response was, "I'm not gay, so I don't care". That immediately killed all further dialogue, and I discovered a new conversation stopper.
(That's a misnomer. This was my second experience with this conversation tactic and it showed me its effectiveness. I initially discovered it at work in June when two very cute "bosses" of mine, Kristen and Amber, walked into the Foods Warehouse. Kristen was telling me something unimportant and Amber was standing about, waiting for her co-worker to get done. Kristen said some kid's name, acting like I should make note of who he is, and I responded with something like, "I'm not going to marry him, so I don't care about his name". Amber immediately dropped the hammer and said that both of them were going to leave. I merely rolled my eyes and sat back down since I could care less about their babbling, even if they are cute.)
When we went to Walmart a day later, I found myself telling Steve and Koop what I'd said, and then I said, "That's probably why I don't have any game". I laughed after I said that lest I cry for the pathetic person known as myself.
I sit here and think that Carolyn wouldn't have said that had I been a cute guy; just like most men, most women wouldn't have the audacity to say anything of the sort when they're in front of a cute person of the opposite sex. Of course, this does depend upon the relationship between the individuals, but even if they're merely acquaintances, some guy doesn't want to hear about a cute guy just as much as a girl doesn't want to hear about a cute girl. In general conversation, such mentions themselves are a break in the atmosphere and the tempo even when neither party is attempting to have sex with the other. So from that perspective, I don't regret telling Carolyn what I did. But when I spoke to Dave about it, he merely said that I should've joked around and said something like, "Yeah, I think he's hot".
Yet this leaves the question "Why don't I have any game up" up in the air. As has been my policy for years, I'm not after a fling despite my toys with such ideas. But here I am: a 21-year old college guy who has never had an intimate relationship with anyone and whose future is set in Silly Putty. Well, scratch out "guy" and replace it with "boy"; as sad as it is, I still have much more growing up to do before I'd be considered an adult by the rest of the world. However, I'm merely dodging the question posed. The answer: unsure. I could go off on a nature versus nurture rant, arguing between a lack of good looks and a lack of a stronger feminine presence in my youth and adolescence.
Paraphrasing Tyler Durden: "[We have] No Great Depression... Our Great Depression is our lives".
Oh, and this third time was a charm.
And as of this writing, my computer has overheated twice, so I've lost two versions of this entry already. Believe me, I don't like having to rewrite this, but the third time just might be a charm.
Written September 26th, 2004
As I stood with my back against the wall while watching a beer pong game, Carolyn stopped shooting to look over at me and ask if we'd been in the same class before. Having thought that I'd known the answer for a long time, I quickly responded that we'd had the same freshman year Creative Writing class. However, she dismissed that as a possibility because she said that she'd never had a freshman year writing class. As I went back to quietly standing beside the beside the table, I couldn't come up with any answers. Stumped, I went up to my room to check on Pitt's Account Management to see what other classes I'd taken in the past. Unfortunately, the site was down for the evening, and I sat in my chair, thinking hard, until I found the answer.
Coming back downstairs, I went back to standing by the beer pong table. Then I told Carolyn that we'd been in the same Public Speaking class (the same one that I spoke about in A Monster Called Jealousy), and with the combination of alcohol and playing a losing game of beer pong against Steve and Koop, I suddenly had her full attention; it was like the answer was equivalent to hearing her dream guy tell her "I love you" (that's a stretch, but bear with me). For a good 90 seconds, her attention was focused on recalling memories of that dreadful class and our classmates. There wasn't much to say; she remembered that I had sat in the front row on the far left for the entire semester (seeing as how I stutter and it was a class focused on speaking, it isn't difficult to imagine how she remembered such a minute detail such as that; everytime I made a speech, I stumbled along like I always do, and that's probably what made her remember me) and that our class was filled with jocks (she knew because she's a sports medicine major). She then mentioned that one of the baseball players was really cute, and my mildly-inebriated, knee-jerk response was, "I'm not gay, so I don't care". That immediately killed all further dialogue, and I discovered a new conversation stopper.
(That's a misnomer. This was my second experience with this conversation tactic and it showed me its effectiveness. I initially discovered it at work in June when two very cute "bosses" of mine, Kristen and Amber, walked into the Foods Warehouse. Kristen was telling me something unimportant and Amber was standing about, waiting for her co-worker to get done. Kristen said some kid's name, acting like I should make note of who he is, and I responded with something like, "I'm not going to marry him, so I don't care about his name". Amber immediately dropped the hammer and said that both of them were going to leave. I merely rolled my eyes and sat back down since I could care less about their babbling, even if they are cute.)
When we went to Walmart a day later, I found myself telling Steve and Koop what I'd said, and then I said, "That's probably why I don't have any game". I laughed after I said that lest I cry for the pathetic person known as myself.
I sit here and think that Carolyn wouldn't have said that had I been a cute guy; just like most men, most women wouldn't have the audacity to say anything of the sort when they're in front of a cute person of the opposite sex. Of course, this does depend upon the relationship between the individuals, but even if they're merely acquaintances, some guy doesn't want to hear about a cute guy just as much as a girl doesn't want to hear about a cute girl. In general conversation, such mentions themselves are a break in the atmosphere and the tempo even when neither party is attempting to have sex with the other. So from that perspective, I don't regret telling Carolyn what I did. But when I spoke to Dave about it, he merely said that I should've joked around and said something like, "Yeah, I think he's hot".
Yet this leaves the question "Why don't I have any game up" up in the air. As has been my policy for years, I'm not after a fling despite my toys with such ideas. But here I am: a 21-year old college guy who has never had an intimate relationship with anyone and whose future is set in Silly Putty. Well, scratch out "guy" and replace it with "boy"; as sad as it is, I still have much more growing up to do before I'd be considered an adult by the rest of the world. However, I'm merely dodging the question posed. The answer: unsure. I could go off on a nature versus nurture rant, arguing between a lack of good looks and a lack of a stronger feminine presence in my youth and adolescence.
Paraphrasing Tyler Durden: "[We have] No Great Depression... Our Great Depression is our lives".
Oh, and this third time was a charm.
posted by Eric Joseph at 3:40 AM
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