My Roommate: William D. Bradley
Looking back on these previous few entries, I realize that they suck. I usually try to bring things full circle, but I did not do that all that well or at all. They just seemed to taper off towards the end, and I think I need to work on fixing that.
Since my first year at college, I have had three roommates: Kyle D. Balliet (Freshman year), Benjamin S. Johns (Sophomore year), and William D. Bradley (Junior year). Kyle was a lacrosse junky trying to be a business major; because of his girlfriend, I can say that he was fully pussy whipped, and not in a good way either. Ben was actually a pretty cool guy going after a law major; he had sex with an uncountable number of women in our dorm (He would first ask me to leave, thankfully), did plenty of alcohol and drugs, but was still a competent and respectable man. Bill... well, I will explain in great detail.
All three of these men were born and raised in Pittsburgh and all three are/were fairly conservative, but where I was very cool with Kyle and Ben, Bill is the exact opposite. He is the worst roommate I have ever had and probably will ever have.
Coming back to the book, Bill is very conservative. In fact, he is so conservative that he has a conscious hate for anyone that is liberal. When I first spotted that book on the national disaster known as his desk, I was not surprised. To be honest, I have never read it, yet just by reading book reviews on non-Amazon.com sites, I gather that it is fairly inaccurate and is just flaming the liberal left. Yet, despite all of the political rhetoric that I hear fly out of his loud mouth (And this is while I am wearing headphones with music blaring) while he is talking on his cell phone, the rhetoric has nothing to do with why he is the worst roommate that I have ever had.
I remember the first day I met him. He was moving into our dorm room at the exact same time that I was. My parents helped me move into my dorm, and as I was shoving them out of the door (I wanted to setup my room the way that I wanted, not how they wanted), Bill and his father happened to walk in with all of his stuff. I promptly greeted Bill by saying "Hello William Bradley; my name is Eric Joseph and I'm your roommate for this year" quickly followed by holding my hand out to shake his. What followed was one of the most awkward five seconds of my life; he just stood there and stared at my hand like I was holding Hitler's ashes. Finally, he snapped out of his trance and shook my hand while mumbling something. At first, I thought that he was just a shy guy; yet, after living with him for only a week, I found that he is one of the most obnoxious and argumentative men I have ever met. Anyways, as I was setting up my computer, putting away clothing, and making my bed, I got into a conversation with his father and we chatted for a good ten minutes before leaving.
Officially, including grunts and other noises made in my general direction, Bill's father has spoken to me for 590 seconds more than Bill ever has.
Allow me to describe an average day.
I always have my alarm clock set to go off at 8 AM every morning because of my 9 AM Japanese recitation. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Bill also has a 9 AM class... only he sets his alarm clock to go off at 7:30 AM. As soon as 7:30 AM rolls around, his clock starts blaring and I, in a sleepy daze, subconsciously run to my clock to turn off the alarm that has yet to turn on. However, there is no purpose behind his alarm clock being set for 7:30 AM; he will always hit the snooze button and roll back to sleep (Perhaps because he has a hard time getting up every morning even when he gets at least seven hours of sleep). So I am left standing by my desk, staring at my alarm clock, and slowly coming out of my sleepy daze only to realize that my alarm clock had not gone off. Care to know what else is interesting? This happens all the time; yes, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Call me an idiot if you wish, but you would do the same thing if you got five hours of sleep every night and had a subconscious drive to turn off your alarm clock as fast as possible (Or anything that sounds like an alarm clock). However, Tuesdays and Thursdays are different. Bill's first class is at noon or 1 PM (I estimate), so he sleeps in until well after I have gone off to second class of the day.
Let me fill in some gaps on those Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. Bill gets a shower every night about 10 PM and I get a shower every morning about 8 AM or so. I am up as soon as it is 8 AM, and sometimes I will go to check my e-mail or Anime Academy for updates or whatnot; basically, I am on my computer. However, Bill also gets up about this time because he has already hit his snooze button three times, but it still takes some time for him to wake up. If I am still on my computer at 8:05 AM, Bill is in the bathroom (A disgusting bathroom meant for eight people, which happens to be how big my suite is) and using the sink for at least fifteen minutes, which forces me to screw around on my computer until he is done using the sink at 8:20 AM. If I am in the bathroom by 8:05 AM, Bill merely delays using the sink by five minutes. I have no clue what he does at the sink; perhaps he is washing his face, greasing up his hair, or whacking off, but either way, I could care less. The thing is that the sink is right across from the shower (Less than ten feet), and I feel like having a bit of privacy when I am cleaning myself. I can understand someone coming in and using the toilet for a few minutes because it has its own separate room connected to the bathroom, but Bill uses the sink for all fifteen minutes. Usually, I could be done with my shower by 8:15 AM, but because Bill is in there and I do not feel like showing my pink butt or penis to him, I am sort of forced to stay in the shower until he leaves, which would be 8:25 AM.
But that is only the first half-hour of those three days of the week. I will usually be back by noon, and seeing as how I normally get only five hours of sleep every night, I am dead tired, so I decide that I will take a nap. I will get all comfy and warm in my bed, feeling the fringes of precious sleep coming upon me... and Bill walks in regardless of the day. With lunch for himself, no less. Hey, I can deal with a twenty year-old man eating his lunch less than two feet away from my ear (We have bunk beds, and since I have the bottom and his desk is right there, you can figure it out)... but only if he did not have to turn on his television every single time and crank the volume up so loud that it would wake my three grandparents from their graves. I mean, even when I am not trying to take a nap, the volume will be up at an insane level; after my morning shower, I may have my headphones on and be listening to blaring music, but I can still clearly hear the news anchor inhaling and exhaling between sentences.
When I am done with classes, he is usually in our room with the television on whether or not he is actually watching it, studying, or screwing around in the bathroom. I would ask him to turn the volume, but at this point, I have too much dislike for him to even want to look in his general direction or speak to him. Yet, there are times during the day that he will turn off or mute his television, and this is whenever he receives a call on his cell phone. While he is speaking to whomever, I think that he tries to mimic his television because his voice is pretty damn loud; by that, I mean that I overhear every conversation that he has even when I have (Yes) my headphones on with music blaring (Okay, that is a slight exaggeration; I do have some stuff that would shatter eardrums and it is not the majority of my collection, yet I will have the volume up as far as possible for whatever the song is).
His relationship with his cell phone seems to be a strong connection to everyone in his world. By that, I mean to say that I have overheard a lot of things fly out of his mouth that make me believe that my dead grandfather was not even that conservative. Bill seems to display an extreme lack of tact and kindness with regards to whomever or whatever he is addressing, and he constantly radiates a "I am the only one who is correct" attitude. Although I am not a part of his conversations or life, it still annoys me to no end.
Come the beginning of next semester, I am requesting a room transfer. Steve said that one of his roommates may be moving out of his place, so I could be getting a place at Bouquet Gardens. If that does not happen, maybe a room in Tower C. Other than that, I am not sure where I could go, but I am sure of this: I am getting out of my current dorm (McCormick Hall 407-1).
I could care less if Bill was conservative or liberal; I never want to see him again. There is more to be said about him, but even if I were to go on, the fact remains: no other roommate can top just how bad Bill is.
Book kept on William D. Bradley's deskBefore I discuss the importance of the book above, allow me to digress slightly.
Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right by Ann Coulter
Since my first year at college, I have had three roommates: Kyle D. Balliet (Freshman year), Benjamin S. Johns (Sophomore year), and William D. Bradley (Junior year). Kyle was a lacrosse junky trying to be a business major; because of his girlfriend, I can say that he was fully pussy whipped, and not in a good way either. Ben was actually a pretty cool guy going after a law major; he had sex with an uncountable number of women in our dorm (He would first ask me to leave, thankfully), did plenty of alcohol and drugs, but was still a competent and respectable man. Bill... well, I will explain in great detail.
All three of these men were born and raised in Pittsburgh and all three are/were fairly conservative, but where I was very cool with Kyle and Ben, Bill is the exact opposite. He is the worst roommate I have ever had and probably will ever have.
Coming back to the book, Bill is very conservative. In fact, he is so conservative that he has a conscious hate for anyone that is liberal. When I first spotted that book on the national disaster known as his desk, I was not surprised. To be honest, I have never read it, yet just by reading book reviews on non-Amazon.com sites, I gather that it is fairly inaccurate and is just flaming the liberal left. Yet, despite all of the political rhetoric that I hear fly out of his loud mouth (And this is while I am wearing headphones with music blaring) while he is talking on his cell phone, the rhetoric has nothing to do with why he is the worst roommate that I have ever had.
I remember the first day I met him. He was moving into our dorm room at the exact same time that I was. My parents helped me move into my dorm, and as I was shoving them out of the door (I wanted to setup my room the way that I wanted, not how they wanted), Bill and his father happened to walk in with all of his stuff. I promptly greeted Bill by saying "Hello William Bradley; my name is Eric Joseph and I'm your roommate for this year" quickly followed by holding my hand out to shake his. What followed was one of the most awkward five seconds of my life; he just stood there and stared at my hand like I was holding Hitler's ashes. Finally, he snapped out of his trance and shook my hand while mumbling something. At first, I thought that he was just a shy guy; yet, after living with him for only a week, I found that he is one of the most obnoxious and argumentative men I have ever met. Anyways, as I was setting up my computer, putting away clothing, and making my bed, I got into a conversation with his father and we chatted for a good ten minutes before leaving.
Officially, including grunts and other noises made in my general direction, Bill's father has spoken to me for 590 seconds more than Bill ever has.
Allow me to describe an average day.
I always have my alarm clock set to go off at 8 AM every morning because of my 9 AM Japanese recitation. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Bill also has a 9 AM class... only he sets his alarm clock to go off at 7:30 AM. As soon as 7:30 AM rolls around, his clock starts blaring and I, in a sleepy daze, subconsciously run to my clock to turn off the alarm that has yet to turn on. However, there is no purpose behind his alarm clock being set for 7:30 AM; he will always hit the snooze button and roll back to sleep (Perhaps because he has a hard time getting up every morning even when he gets at least seven hours of sleep). So I am left standing by my desk, staring at my alarm clock, and slowly coming out of my sleepy daze only to realize that my alarm clock had not gone off. Care to know what else is interesting? This happens all the time; yes, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Call me an idiot if you wish, but you would do the same thing if you got five hours of sleep every night and had a subconscious drive to turn off your alarm clock as fast as possible (Or anything that sounds like an alarm clock). However, Tuesdays and Thursdays are different. Bill's first class is at noon or 1 PM (I estimate), so he sleeps in until well after I have gone off to second class of the day.
Let me fill in some gaps on those Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. Bill gets a shower every night about 10 PM and I get a shower every morning about 8 AM or so. I am up as soon as it is 8 AM, and sometimes I will go to check my e-mail or Anime Academy for updates or whatnot; basically, I am on my computer. However, Bill also gets up about this time because he has already hit his snooze button three times, but it still takes some time for him to wake up. If I am still on my computer at 8:05 AM, Bill is in the bathroom (A disgusting bathroom meant for eight people, which happens to be how big my suite is) and using the sink for at least fifteen minutes, which forces me to screw around on my computer until he is done using the sink at 8:20 AM. If I am in the bathroom by 8:05 AM, Bill merely delays using the sink by five minutes. I have no clue what he does at the sink; perhaps he is washing his face, greasing up his hair, or whacking off, but either way, I could care less. The thing is that the sink is right across from the shower (Less than ten feet), and I feel like having a bit of privacy when I am cleaning myself. I can understand someone coming in and using the toilet for a few minutes because it has its own separate room connected to the bathroom, but Bill uses the sink for all fifteen minutes. Usually, I could be done with my shower by 8:15 AM, but because Bill is in there and I do not feel like showing my pink butt or penis to him, I am sort of forced to stay in the shower until he leaves, which would be 8:25 AM.
But that is only the first half-hour of those three days of the week. I will usually be back by noon, and seeing as how I normally get only five hours of sleep every night, I am dead tired, so I decide that I will take a nap. I will get all comfy and warm in my bed, feeling the fringes of precious sleep coming upon me... and Bill walks in regardless of the day. With lunch for himself, no less. Hey, I can deal with a twenty year-old man eating his lunch less than two feet away from my ear (We have bunk beds, and since I have the bottom and his desk is right there, you can figure it out)... but only if he did not have to turn on his television every single time and crank the volume up so loud that it would wake my three grandparents from their graves. I mean, even when I am not trying to take a nap, the volume will be up at an insane level; after my morning shower, I may have my headphones on and be listening to blaring music, but I can still clearly hear the news anchor inhaling and exhaling between sentences.
When I am done with classes, he is usually in our room with the television on whether or not he is actually watching it, studying, or screwing around in the bathroom. I would ask him to turn the volume, but at this point, I have too much dislike for him to even want to look in his general direction or speak to him. Yet, there are times during the day that he will turn off or mute his television, and this is whenever he receives a call on his cell phone. While he is speaking to whomever, I think that he tries to mimic his television because his voice is pretty damn loud; by that, I mean that I overhear every conversation that he has even when I have (Yes) my headphones on with music blaring (Okay, that is a slight exaggeration; I do have some stuff that would shatter eardrums and it is not the majority of my collection, yet I will have the volume up as far as possible for whatever the song is).
His relationship with his cell phone seems to be a strong connection to everyone in his world. By that, I mean to say that I have overheard a lot of things fly out of his mouth that make me believe that my dead grandfather was not even that conservative. Bill seems to display an extreme lack of tact and kindness with regards to whomever or whatever he is addressing, and he constantly radiates a "I am the only one who is correct" attitude. Although I am not a part of his conversations or life, it still annoys me to no end.
Come the beginning of next semester, I am requesting a room transfer. Steve said that one of his roommates may be moving out of his place, so I could be getting a place at Bouquet Gardens. If that does not happen, maybe a room in Tower C. Other than that, I am not sure where I could go, but I am sure of this: I am getting out of my current dorm (McCormick Hall 407-1).
I could care less if Bill was conservative or liberal; I never want to see him again. There is more to be said about him, but even if I were to go on, the fact remains: no other roommate can top just how bad Bill is.
posted by Eric Joseph at 12:55 AM
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