Procrastinating the Inevitable
I do believe that my previous entry would indeed be classified as "crap." Okay, maybe not all of it, but the large part of it lacks general direction and does not get my point across. I will probably revise and make another entry about a similar topic in the future. Anyways...
I wonder if procrastination is an addiction.
In all honesty, my life is pretty boring. Yeah, it does have its moments of excitement, but those are few and far between. The last time I was truly excited about something was when I was going home for the weekend a few weeks back, and I cannot decide whether I was more excited over the prospect of seeing my family again or sorting through piles of anime that I had ordered. Maybe it was just all for the anime, which in that case, I would say that I am a bad family member because my life does require some devotion to my own family. I am sure that some people would not mind being excited over sorting through a few hundred dollars worth of anime DVDs, but if that was my sole reason, then I would say that it was a bad reason. However, I admit that I was homesick and that I wanted to see my family, sleep in my own bed, and just waste away a weekend at home enjoying things that I normally do not have a chance to enjoy (i.e. ice cream). I guess I will compromise and say that it was a bit of both sides: family and anime. Wow... I am an anime addict. I wonder if this is good or bad.
Today (Wednesday, April 16), I have a final test in Astronomy 0089, which I have yet to begin studying for; tomorrow, I have a 5-page paper due in Comparative Politics 0300 discussing how Cuba is classified between totalitarian and authoritarian style of government, which I have not started yet; and Friday, I have a 10-page paper due in Religion and Politics 1375 discussing how adherence to Christianity demands a feministic worldview, which I have three pages done. Instead of studying or writing all of that just yet, I am typing this journal entry.
But I do not find what is so thrilling about staying up until 6AM (Or oftentimes, right before the paper/test is due/about to occur) in an attempt to finish or cram. Indeed, this causes unnecessary stress on myself, and... I hate it. I hate staying up until all hours of the night doing such ridiculous bullshit as typing a paper that ends up being 12 pages single-spaced. I hate cramming so hard and for so long that I end up not eating, causing myself to fall into a state of malnutrition, and be sick for a week. I just hate it. There is no fun to be found in procrastinating until unheard of hours of the night, trying to get in that last few minutes of studying or that last few sentences of a paper. Yeah, all of that may get me a good grade when it is all said and done, but it just plain sucks. Who learns by coughing up a few papers in a week or regurgitating answers back onto a Scantron sheet? It almost seems fruitless. Yeah, I could just say that we are all going to die eventually, therefore, there is no point to doing all of this, but that is the easy way out of it all. I am just saying that procrastination only delays certain pains and that I will have to do most of this stuff eventually. And yet, I still procrastinate despite my knowing of what it will bring.
Maybe I am just a lazy asshole. That would be a pretty simple and straightforward answer, and I think this one holds a bit more water. I think this falls along the same lines of "Hard work may pay off tomorrow, but procrastination pays off now." This seems to emphasis a pleasure principle whereby I am rewarded now rather than later. The reward may be even greater later on in life, but that does not matter; now is best, even if the reward will be minute and ephemeral.
Note: I took a break for a day to do work. At this point, I have only my 10-page paper due in Political Science 1375.
Anyways, it still sucks hard. Okay, maybe not as much now that I have weathered a bit of the storm so far, but I still hate it all. Do not get me wrong; I am not the kind of person who hates very easily, but this is just a silent hate of mine, nothing that I would ever talk about normally in real life. The fact of the matter is, I hate that I just delay things until the final moments.
This morning, I was up until 4:30AM working on my Political Science 0300 paper, and I took a sleep break until 7:00AM, at which time I took a shower and finished off my paper. I know for a fact that I did a horrible job on the paper, and it was not the fact that I had a limited amount of time to work on it. Okay, that was a slight factor, but I would say that a major factor is that I just did not have any resources to use. If I do this last minute bullshit, it always comes down to using an online source or sources in order to make something up that works. I admit that I fudged most of my paper this morning. I was supposed to have three journal sources cited, and instead, I found one real journal and then copied citations for the other two sources. Actually, practically all that I needed was all in that one journal, but it was still crap. I sat on my ass for five minutes listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D Minor wondering how the hell I could pull it off. The only thing I know that will save me is the fact that I already have a decent grade in the class, which means I can probably still get a D on the paper and pass with a B-. I know that I miscited some sources and did not even cite the proper information at times, which means that my chances of being caught and expelled for plagiarism only gets kicked up by a few notches.
Maybe I should have just done one of the other three possible assignments to fulfill the same requirement. Oh wait... that would mean I would not have had a chance to procrastinate. I guess that is not an option for me, being the lazy bum that I am.
Something also stops me and says that I should not be beating up myself over spilled milk. Hindsight may be 20-20, but foresight is as blind as a bat staring into floodlights. There is nothing I can really do as far as things that have already occurred except meander over them, ponder what I could have done better, and moving the fuck on into the future. Sure, I should have started working on this paper a month ago so that I could have had a chance to turn it into the teacher's assistant, got it back with suggestions on how to properly revise it in hopes of getting the best grade possible, and then turning it in today (After getting a full night of sleep) knowing that I did all I could for the best grade possible. I could have done all of that to have a much better chance at getting a good grade, but... then I could not have enjoyed the time I would have spent studying and researching. I cannot remember the last time I enjoyed studying; in fact, I do not think that I ever have enjoyed studying.
Let me get some things straight. I enjoy sitting in for a lecture and listening to what the professor has to say about this and that. I enjoy recitation most of the time. I really enjoy listening to students having a chance to talk back to the professor/teacher's assistant about any topic so that they have a chance to say what is on their mind, even though I stop myself from joining in on their debates about capital punishment or Stalin's intentions during World War II. Honestly, I really do enjoy listening to other people talk, even if they are blabbing on about completely boring material. I usually find it all quite interesting to some degree. However, I hate extra-class participation such as writing papers, creating speeches, doing group projects, et cetera. Well, I sort of take that back; group projects are fun for me if I feel like I am apart of the group instead of just another person. However, that aside, I still hate the rest of it all.
As I said already, maybe I am just a lazy bum. I enjoy doing the simple things, but when complex things come about, I want to be anywhere else but there. Hell, I sat in Astronomy 0089 the whole semester (Except for recitations; there is no point to going to an extra class per week when you study for nonexistent questions on a test) listening to my professor talk in her silly German accent about theoretical crap regarding the universe. Every time someone asked her a question that was not covered in the material, her most common response was, "I don't know." She may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but I will listen to her zany theories regarding dark matter, black holes, and extraterrestrial life. However, what I hate doing (But was not subjected to doing in the class) is extra-class homework that takes longer than two hours and projects that only teach me to hate the course.
Some people call me smart, some call me intelligent, some call me asshole, but no one ever calls me good-looking (Or anything along those lines of being). My point is that although I hate putting off until tomorrow what I can do today, I will continue to do it out of sheer laziness.
Lord Chesterfield (1694 - 1773)I think I get a slight thrill out of procrastinating all the time. Just the rush of "Oh sweet mother of Gandhi, this report is due in five minutes and I have not even started it yet" or "Fuck! Class started a minute ago and I am all the way across campus" situations. Basic formula is always "Interjection + Very limited period of time + Impossible to get it done properly = Procrastination at its greatest," or something along those lines.
Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness; no laziness; no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
I wonder if procrastination is an addiction.
In all honesty, my life is pretty boring. Yeah, it does have its moments of excitement, but those are few and far between. The last time I was truly excited about something was when I was going home for the weekend a few weeks back, and I cannot decide whether I was more excited over the prospect of seeing my family again or sorting through piles of anime that I had ordered. Maybe it was just all for the anime, which in that case, I would say that I am a bad family member because my life does require some devotion to my own family. I am sure that some people would not mind being excited over sorting through a few hundred dollars worth of anime DVDs, but if that was my sole reason, then I would say that it was a bad reason. However, I admit that I was homesick and that I wanted to see my family, sleep in my own bed, and just waste away a weekend at home enjoying things that I normally do not have a chance to enjoy (i.e. ice cream). I guess I will compromise and say that it was a bit of both sides: family and anime. Wow... I am an anime addict. I wonder if this is good or bad.
Today (Wednesday, April 16), I have a final test in Astronomy 0089, which I have yet to begin studying for; tomorrow, I have a 5-page paper due in Comparative Politics 0300 discussing how Cuba is classified between totalitarian and authoritarian style of government, which I have not started yet; and Friday, I have a 10-page paper due in Religion and Politics 1375 discussing how adherence to Christianity demands a feministic worldview, which I have three pages done. Instead of studying or writing all of that just yet, I am typing this journal entry.
But I do not find what is so thrilling about staying up until 6AM (Or oftentimes, right before the paper/test is due/about to occur) in an attempt to finish or cram. Indeed, this causes unnecessary stress on myself, and... I hate it. I hate staying up until all hours of the night doing such ridiculous bullshit as typing a paper that ends up being 12 pages single-spaced. I hate cramming so hard and for so long that I end up not eating, causing myself to fall into a state of malnutrition, and be sick for a week. I just hate it. There is no fun to be found in procrastinating until unheard of hours of the night, trying to get in that last few minutes of studying or that last few sentences of a paper. Yeah, all of that may get me a good grade when it is all said and done, but it just plain sucks. Who learns by coughing up a few papers in a week or regurgitating answers back onto a Scantron sheet? It almost seems fruitless. Yeah, I could just say that we are all going to die eventually, therefore, there is no point to doing all of this, but that is the easy way out of it all. I am just saying that procrastination only delays certain pains and that I will have to do most of this stuff eventually. And yet, I still procrastinate despite my knowing of what it will bring.
Maybe I am just a lazy asshole. That would be a pretty simple and straightforward answer, and I think this one holds a bit more water. I think this falls along the same lines of "Hard work may pay off tomorrow, but procrastination pays off now." This seems to emphasis a pleasure principle whereby I am rewarded now rather than later. The reward may be even greater later on in life, but that does not matter; now is best, even if the reward will be minute and ephemeral.
Note: I took a break for a day to do work. At this point, I have only my 10-page paper due in Political Science 1375.
Anyways, it still sucks hard. Okay, maybe not as much now that I have weathered a bit of the storm so far, but I still hate it all. Do not get me wrong; I am not the kind of person who hates very easily, but this is just a silent hate of mine, nothing that I would ever talk about normally in real life. The fact of the matter is, I hate that I just delay things until the final moments.
This morning, I was up until 4:30AM working on my Political Science 0300 paper, and I took a sleep break until 7:00AM, at which time I took a shower and finished off my paper. I know for a fact that I did a horrible job on the paper, and it was not the fact that I had a limited amount of time to work on it. Okay, that was a slight factor, but I would say that a major factor is that I just did not have any resources to use. If I do this last minute bullshit, it always comes down to using an online source or sources in order to make something up that works. I admit that I fudged most of my paper this morning. I was supposed to have three journal sources cited, and instead, I found one real journal and then copied citations for the other two sources. Actually, practically all that I needed was all in that one journal, but it was still crap. I sat on my ass for five minutes listening to Pachelbel's Canon in D Minor wondering how the hell I could pull it off. The only thing I know that will save me is the fact that I already have a decent grade in the class, which means I can probably still get a D on the paper and pass with a B-. I know that I miscited some sources and did not even cite the proper information at times, which means that my chances of being caught and expelled for plagiarism only gets kicked up by a few notches.
Maybe I should have just done one of the other three possible assignments to fulfill the same requirement. Oh wait... that would mean I would not have had a chance to procrastinate. I guess that is not an option for me, being the lazy bum that I am.
Something also stops me and says that I should not be beating up myself over spilled milk. Hindsight may be 20-20, but foresight is as blind as a bat staring into floodlights. There is nothing I can really do as far as things that have already occurred except meander over them, ponder what I could have done better, and moving the fuck on into the future. Sure, I should have started working on this paper a month ago so that I could have had a chance to turn it into the teacher's assistant, got it back with suggestions on how to properly revise it in hopes of getting the best grade possible, and then turning it in today (After getting a full night of sleep) knowing that I did all I could for the best grade possible. I could have done all of that to have a much better chance at getting a good grade, but... then I could not have enjoyed the time I would have spent studying and researching. I cannot remember the last time I enjoyed studying; in fact, I do not think that I ever have enjoyed studying.
Let me get some things straight. I enjoy sitting in for a lecture and listening to what the professor has to say about this and that. I enjoy recitation most of the time. I really enjoy listening to students having a chance to talk back to the professor/teacher's assistant about any topic so that they have a chance to say what is on their mind, even though I stop myself from joining in on their debates about capital punishment or Stalin's intentions during World War II. Honestly, I really do enjoy listening to other people talk, even if they are blabbing on about completely boring material. I usually find it all quite interesting to some degree. However, I hate extra-class participation such as writing papers, creating speeches, doing group projects, et cetera. Well, I sort of take that back; group projects are fun for me if I feel like I am apart of the group instead of just another person. However, that aside, I still hate the rest of it all.
As I said already, maybe I am just a lazy bum. I enjoy doing the simple things, but when complex things come about, I want to be anywhere else but there. Hell, I sat in Astronomy 0089 the whole semester (Except for recitations; there is no point to going to an extra class per week when you study for nonexistent questions on a test) listening to my professor talk in her silly German accent about theoretical crap regarding the universe. Every time someone asked her a question that was not covered in the material, her most common response was, "I don't know." She may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but I will listen to her zany theories regarding dark matter, black holes, and extraterrestrial life. However, what I hate doing (But was not subjected to doing in the class) is extra-class homework that takes longer than two hours and projects that only teach me to hate the course.
Some people call me smart, some call me intelligent, some call me asshole, but no one ever calls me good-looking (Or anything along those lines of being). My point is that although I hate putting off until tomorrow what I can do today, I will continue to do it out of sheer laziness.
posted by Eric Joseph at 3:07 PM
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