Priceless

Kain, Co-Administrator of Anime Academy (1977 - )
registration at door: $50
your share of the hotel for 3 nights: $50
food: $30-$50
hanging out with Kain: priceless

Very easily, I can say that my first friend I ever had was my brother, Lance. However, "friendship" would be completely wrong in classifying our relationship; "brothers" seems to carry a more truthful meaning as to what we are. Calling us friends would seem like I was trivialize the fact that we came from the same parents, but at the same time, calling us brothers would seem to neglect the fact that we do not always treat each other like brothers. It is something that it is somewhere in the middle there but leaning more towards the brother side of the spectrum.

To expand further on this idea, I consider there to be a strict difference between a literal and a figurative brother. Lance and I are literally brothers; something that we cannot outrun no matter how far we run and how hard we try to, but we will always be brothers (Twin brothers, in fact). I can hate him, I can beat him, I can hug him, and I can love him; in the end, he will always be my brother, and I am glad that I will always have him.

In a figurative sense, however, I have many more brothers, but these bonds are far less stable. I can name only a few, because few of my friends ever actually step beyond the boundary of being friends to being closer to me. This only ever seems to happen through three ways: a bond developed over time, a bond developed through similarities, and both. I have seen it go both ways, but I cannot figure out which one is more stable and which one is just the "easier" way simply because of how difficult they may be. Sure, I guess you could say that developing a bond over time would be far more stable, but at the same time, the other person gets to know you, both your good and bad parts. However, the person who develops that bond through similarities is far more compatible, but lack of communication and contact has the adverse effect of gradually destroying the bond. The act of actually keeping a figurative brother is not as easy as it may seem, especially when one is separated through distances and mentality.

About six months ago, I would say that I lost two brothers, two friends who were very close to me. They did not physically die, but rather, it is more of a mental death. Jose, Tyler, and I once played Diablo 2 on U.S. East Realm of Battle.net for a solid five months, and in that time, we grew close. We shared everything together, we would back each other up if ever asked, and we would put an end to any nonsense; we were always there for each other. We always talked about everything, from mindless idiots roaming about on U.S. East to complex and in-depth conversations that could last from minutes to hours. There was nothing we could not say, there were no barriers between us, and there was a complete trust. Usually in triumvirates, I find that there is always a shifting group of two members against one, but we never pulled any kiddy bullshit like that; we were brothers, and brothers do not pit one against the other. However, one weekend in September or October of 2002, I decided to quit Diablo 2 cold turkey, and in all honesty, Jose had quit numerous times already and Tyler was quickly losing interest in dueling nine year-old children who scream remarks about how they "owned you." I quit partially because of Tyler's reason, but also because I had become sick of the politics involved with everything from items to rivals to time spent online to whatever else. Maybe there were more reasons (Other than the fact that no new patching and no ladder reset had occurred version 1.09D); I cannot remember anymore, but suffice to say, even some of my last friends on Diablo 2 have quit recently after PayPaling most if not all of their items. They, too, have also grown tired of the game, and some of them were three-year veterans, going back to the days of VyperII and Of_WOK.

Getting back to the root discussion, Jose, Tyler, and I had lost our main connection to one another. Yeah, we could talk on AIM to each other, but it just was not the same. We had lost that constant involvement with one another; on Diablo 2, we were always interacting with one another other than just talking (Although talking did take up a rather substantial portion of our time). These days, Tyler is always on AIM, and we talk to each other now and then, but we usually do not have much to say to each other. Most of the time, the conversation will drift into talking about Diablo 2 in one way or another, and we will blab on about it for a bit, but then either he or I will remind the other that we do not want to hear about the game anymore. Tyler calls it a waste of time, and although I agree with him there, I say that it was fun, and it was the fun that brought us together. However, we took the fun away by our own free will, and we lost our brotherhood. Jose, on the other hand, comes on AIM once every few weeks, if that. When he does come on, there never is any constructive conversation, but that is how Jose just is, and I enjoy that.

Our brotherhood has ended, and although I would never hesitate to help Jose or Tyler if ever asked, we have lost something. That something can be gained back, but I do not see it happening anytime soon. Both of them have sort of regressed back to being just friends, which is still nice, but it was nicer having a few more brothers.

Since my days in Diablo 2, I have been getting more and more into anime, gradually becoming immersed into the community, getting to know many people, and understanding what is going on. I am a regular at Anime Academy's Lounge, and through interacting with people, you pick up a lot of information about multiple aspects of the anime community. Quite honestly, not a day goes by where I do not learn something new about it, but I seem to be similar and different from others. Some people openly accept anime as being the best of the best, and others seem to shun it for the most part. I lie somewhere in the middle; I recognize anime for its gifts and its faults, but I do not lose sight of the fact that the nation who first created anime, Japan, is definitely not some "Heaven on Earth."

The quote up top is from the co-owner of Anime Academy. What started the conversation was the fact that I had donated $20 through PayPal, and Kain wished to thank me. Afterwards was a step I did not anticipate: he invited me to come along with him and the rest of the AA posse to Otakon 2003 for the 10th anniversary of Otakon. At first, I gave a blunt "No," but when he said what is in that quote up top, I think that was the turning point for me. Just the friendliness, cracking the joke how he did it, and the invitation kicked me from a "No" to "Pretty damn sure I will" in a matter of seconds. As he kept telling me about it and how it would all go down, I just kept getting more and more interested. The more he said, the more I kept thinking, "This is going to be a hell of a lot of fun." As far as Otakon is concerned, I do believe that I am going, but given that it is happening on August 8-10 and it is only mid-April now, a lot can happen between now and then.

As far as Kain is concerned, I think he just opened up another world for me. Something else happened (Which I am not at liberty to discuss openly), and I was "welcomed" into AA. Nothing official, mind you, but just the gesture said that I was welcomed with open arms. At first, I thought that this "welcoming" happened because I had donated to them, and I had serious thoughts about cutting off all contact with Anime Academy; if "donation = promotion" (Or something along those lines), there was no point in sticking with people who would be shallow like that. I had and have no interest in buying friends, and if it had turned out that way, I probably would have told them that "Fuck off," only in many more words. However, according to Roark's words, it was because "you have an IQ which is larger than your shoe size, unlike many other people." And... I trusted him. Just like how a friend trusts another friend. Yes, I have never met Roark or Kain in real life, and yes, perhaps I will in real life in the very near future, but I put faith and trust in those words, those electronic words that I could only read on a screen. I could not hear those words and they were not even physical, but I put faith into them, knowing that they would not lie to me.

Maybe it was just the act of them reaching out to me, stopping halfway, and waiting for me to reach out to them. As I give this idea more and more thought though, I think it is wrong. I was reaching out for someone else, not them in particular, but anyone. I reach out to others all the time, but almost never vocally. If I am ever in a physical, social environment where I do not know the people around me, I am not very inclined to reach out to them. I become introverted, afraid to speak, afraid to receive that look from everyone upon opening my mouth; I signal other people to reach out to me through my silence in these situations. However, online is different; I am almost a different person, as I reach out to others with my words, those same words that always betray me in the real world.

Kain told me that Otakon 2003 would cost me roughly $300 if I did not hit up the Dealer Room like an alcoholic in a beer store. However, I have a feeling that his last line is very true; hanging out with him and all of the other people there will be priceless.